The Art of Gift Giving: How to Buy the Perfect Gift For Any Holiday
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It is officially gift-giving season, y’all! Gift buying and giving are in full force. Purchasing items for one another means so many things. Some people love to buy gifts, and others dislike the process. There is an art to buying a perfect gift for someone, but the first aspect is that you must WANT to buy it. Christmas and the holidays are so commercialized with gift card exchanges and pretty much trading dollars for dollars. If you “go through the motions” to buy a gift, maybe it is time to rethink the money dump in December. That is not what buying gifts for people should be. At this point, it is better to have a conversation and tell the person that you don’t want to exchange gifts anymore, which is entirely acceptable.
Many large families find that with all of the hustle and bustle of the holidays, and in a world where people often have “everything they need,” that it is a strain for everyone. It is perfectly fine to buy for only the children and grandparents and call it quits for buying for every family member. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your relatives, but rather that you want to focus the gift buying on the elders and children. There should be no guilt attached.
In breaking away from the “buying everyone a gift” tradition, you may need to be the one who starts the trend. You can tell the family that you want to simplify the gift-giving process. If anyone objects, you can kindly say that you will not buy for everyone this year, but they are free to do as they wish. Most people will reconsider buying for everyone. If, for some reason, you get a gift from them, thank them and enjoy the present. You established boundaries, and you can’t control them. No guilt should be attached here either.
Now onto the gift buying process for those you are buying for this season. This article is divided into three parts: gift buying etiquette, types of people to buy for, and the don’ts of gift-giving. I hope that you find the perfect gift and some tips on how to buy it!
How to Buy a Gift
You will not give the perfect gift 100% of the time, but effort and care should go into the pursuit. See, gift buying is more about the sentiment rather than the gift itself. I am not saying that the perfect gift is not 30 seconds away from purchasing on Amazon because you know exactly what to buy. However, in a situation like this, you know the person for which you are buying very well.
There are some parameters to gift buying. Finding appropriate gifts is very important. I will discuss that more in the section below entitled the “don’ts of gift-giving.” However, one of the significant pieces of gift-giving is buying a gift that you are comfortable affording and, most importantly, something where the recipient appreciates the sentiment.
We will discuss money for a moment because it is an essential aspect of the gift-giving process.
Let’s Talk Dollars and… Sense
When to Overspend on a Gift
There are times when it is appropriate to overspend and times when it is not. If it is mutual gift-giving, know that because you overspend, it doesn’t mean that someone else will as well. I have an overspending personality. When I find a perfect gift for someone, I may not care about the socially correct price limit. However, this will be for someone that I know well. Know the difference between wayyyy overspending and slightly overspending to make the gift great. I just purchased a secret Santa gift for Lucy. The recipient was a 14-year-old girl, and I went over budget by about $15. However, it is nothing that is screaming for attention; it just makes the gift more complete, which is reasonable.
However, know your audience if you have a $20 gift limit and show up with a pair of Beats earbuds. The gift may make the party shockingly happy or embarrass the recipient because they feel that they did not buy you a gift of that caliber. It is all about foresight and taking the time to think about the recipient of your gift.
Underspending
Underspending is tricky. Whatever the case, make sure that the “value” of your gift is that reasonable for the occasion. If you are giving a mutual gift and can’t provide an appropriate gift, speak to the recipient about not exchanging gifts or just going out for dinner and each person paying for their own.
Clearance is a powerful way to give fantastic gifts all through the year. My friend, Nancy, is an expert at finding the best clearance deals. She has taught me how to find amazing bargains all year long and stock them for the holidays. Did you know that Walmart majorly clearances their toys in July and August? I wish I had known this trick when Jackson and Lucy were little babes. However, I now stock up for my church’s Angel Tree during the summer months. I actually have a designated space in my house where I stock quality gifts for people.
With my “clearance room” at home, I don’t just go and grab a gift when it is time to give. I think about the recipient and see if I have anything that they will like. If not, I will buy a gift normally. A few years ago, Nancy struck gold on Google Minis at Walmart that came with Little Golden Books. They were $5 each. These made terrific presents, and I underspent when giving them although the value was spot on. The minis were quality and something that I would have gone out and bought. However, if you find knock-off Barbie’s for a quarter, I am not giving them away if the head will fall off the doll the first time that the kiddo plays with it. It was not worth my quarter in that case.
Black Friday is the perfect time to stock up on gifts to use throughout the year. I have come across some fantastic gifts for Jackson and Lucy, but being the overspending type, I will put some of the great deals away for other times during the year instead of giving them all the presents at Christmas.
Define Your Limits
Defining your spending limits is important, and I do this unless I find a gift that is worth overspending to get. For baby showers, I will spend, OR, give a gift valued at $50 (remember, the retail value on clearance items works as well.) A $50 limit on a baby shower gift is entirely acceptable.
For weddings and graduations, I have a $100 limit. So if I know that you are getting married or graduating, I am probably spending a hundred bucks on you. I like the hundred-dollar limit here because it is rough when people start out, and the gifts will help them begin their lives. Plus, the occasions are more formal, and I feel comfortable bringing a gift in this range.
You don’t have to use my limits, but setting some of your own is healthy.
Buying For Those Who Have Money
This is a subject that I have spoken with so many people about. So you make $50k a year, and the person you are buying for makes $350k per year. Situations like this can be perplexing, and it actually can cause anxiety when looking for the perfect gift. That anxiety defeats the purpose of giving the gift to begin with.
Do not go into debt to buy someone a fancy gift that you can’t afford. Think about it like this… When you have money, you don’t need people to give you more. Expensive gifts usually do not convey a sentiment when the person can just go and buy it themself. Instead, think elegant, not expensive. You do not need to be loaded to be classy.
It may be surprising, but so many times, a family recipe or something that the giver has had for years and wants to pass to the receiver is the absolute best gift. You can’t place a value on something that comes from the heart. A person may be able to go and buy that Louis Vuitton, but they can’t just make up a prized family recipe. Please don’t assume that “those who have money” have it all. Money does not buy everything.
Here are some classy gifts that transcend all income boundaries.
Harry and David Truffle’s Gift Set
Savannah Bee Company Royal Jelly Butter
When You Have No Clue What to Buy for a Person
Do you hear friends and family say, “I have no clue what to buy (insert name),” or “they already have everything?” When looking for the perfect presents and you have no zest, go back to what gift-giving is about to begin with, especially during the holidays. For instance, why do we exchange “Christmas gifts?” Because the wise men gave baby Jesus the gold, frankincense, and myrrh. But we can’t stop there. Baby Jesus wasn’t a fan of gold coming out of Mary’s womb. It is because the wise men wanted to give something that would benefit Jesus’s life. More importantly, it represents gifting the newborn King, which showed the wise men’s hearts and a pure reflection of themselves. This, my friends, is what gift-giving is all about.
If you cannot come up with a gift for someone, give them a present that reflects yourself. I think this is a fantastic way to always give a gift. For example, my friend Stephanie had a birthday this year, and she loves to camp with her family. I am not an expert on everything that Stephanie likes, but we have a mutual love of camping. So for her present, I got her a state park pass and some hiking sticks. Does she love hiking? I wasn’t sure, but we like to hit the trails when we camp, so I included them in her gift as a reflection of me. The present was a success.
An example of what not to do here… let’s say that you are a huge Star Wars fan, so you go and buy a person a Star Wars calendar. Keep the calendar piece; just make it a neutral topic. Whatever you gravitate to that you like, generalize it for the person you are buying.
If you know what the person likes or when you can recognize what you like, you can usually give a great gift. Here are some generalized gifts where you typically can’t go wrong.
Types of People that You May Buy For
So how do you buy for specific types of people? The first step is to think about what you both like, regardless of who you are. Then, if you REALLY want to understand a person, or people in general, read the 5 Love Languages. After this read, I looked at all people differently, and I feel that I can understand people and their motives so much better. Usually, there is a common bond between people you and the person that you are buying the gifts for. The perfect gift has a little bit of you, the giver, in it, as well as a little bit of the recipient.
In understanding people, you will see that some people love to give while others do not. Of course, neither is wrong. However, just because my love language is giving gifts to others doesn’t mean that everybody feels the same way.
Here are a few “types” of people that you may buy gifts for. I hope this helps you in the gift-giving process!
For the Minimalist
My mother is a minimalist. They are very difficult to buy for, and you never know if the person will like their gift. So, for hard-core minimalists like my mom, sometimes I joke that I will buy them a present, let them unwrap it, take a picture of it (that is what minimalists do), and then have them kindly give it back to me. Although I am usually joking, my mom thinks this is a great idea!
Minimalists want gifts that they can use… up. They do not want anything to clutter their house or their world. Kitchen gadgets and knick-knacks are no-nos. Instead, I always err on the side of buying experiences or gifts that you know that they will use and even eat. Think along the lines of consumables. Ask the gift recipient if they will provide you a list and even insist on it. Here are a few more “experience/consumable” ideas for the person who wants very little.
Ideas include tickets to Six Flags or your local theme park, passes to a nearby state or national park (if they live close by), a nice restaurant where you must go to the restaurant and pick up the certificate, a round of golf, concert tickets, painting/craft classes, a spa day, a gift basket with foods such as Hickory Farms or Harry and David, an Edible Arrangement, gourmet cookies, and other items along these lines. The gift will be appreciated and gone, which should be right up the alley of any minimalist.
Here are some tangible gifts that my mama has approved!
The More of Less, a book on minimalism (she thinks that everyone should read these)
Kindle Paperwhite (never have to collect books again)
Amazon Prime Subscription (movies, photos, shipping) This is my mom’s favorite suggestion. With the streaming, she doesn’t need a DVD/Blue-ray player or photo books. She also doesn’t have to clutter her house with books anymore because she can buy books on your Kindle with the membership benefits. If the person already has a membership, they can just add it and extend it even further.
Color Outside the Lines People
These are the folks who are adventurous and/or walk to the beat of a different drum. You know that you can buy them something innovative or fun and that they will love it. However, you also know that a David and Harry’s gift basket won’t do the trick. Instead, you could give them a zip-lining pass or a trip somewhere, and they will actually use it.
If you buy something really different, let them know first. Even though they are adventurous, everyone has their limits. Tell the person that you have an idea, such as a food tour, and ask if they will be interested. If the food tour is an Indian food hop, and the person doesn’t like Indian food, the gift will be a flop instead of a hop.
Here are some tangible gifts for that adventurous person in your life!
For the White Elephants in the Room
White elephant gifts are supposed to be fun, and most of the time, they are. For good measure, if you are giving an absurd gift, pair it with a little something serious. Even a few candy bars or a small box of chocolates will go a long way. The receiver will have something tangible to enjoy as they leave the party besides the funny gift for a few minutes. There is a time and a place for Bob Ross Chia Pets. I recommend giving a little something to go along with it.
At church each year, Jackson likes to give a white elephant give with his face on it, whether it be a shirt or a pair of socks. The gifts are hilarious, but they are accompanied by something a little more serious. Last year when he was giving socks with his face on them, he paired them with a box of Whitman’s chocolates. So if the person hated the socks or didn’t want to wear them, everyone would be able to enjoy a funny joke and the recipient got a good box of chocolates out of it.
Here are some of our favorite white elephant gifts!
For Those Who Love What You Love and Money Doesn’t Matter
I give most of my gifts each year to family and close friends. However, for these people, I am incredibly comfortable giving gifts because I know them well. For my family, on birthdays, we make each other a dessert. This has worked well for a long time, and it has nothing to do with money.
Some of my favorite gifts in the last two decades have cost nothing. I received a prized recipe from a friend and an antique piece from Sean’s aunt that is a family heirloom. A few years ago, my dad gave Jackson a Marlon Model 60 rifle that he had for quite a while, and that is one of Jackson’s favorite treasures.
When buying for close friends and family, buy them what you know they love and throw in a little of what you love as well. Money should not be the object of these gifts. Instead, it should be based on relationships and history, likes and dislikes.
Sometimes it is easier to agree with friends on an adventure rather than a gift. For example, we may decide to go out to dinner or do an activity and use the money we would have spent buying a gift on the adventure instead.
For distant relatives that you still want to send a personal touch but don’t always know what they love, rely on what you love. You can heavily generalize these gifts while still being personal. For example, my grandfather would always order cheese from Heini’s Cheese Shop (also known as Bunkerhill Cheese) in the winter. Heini’s is located in the heart of the Ohio Amish country, and when my grandparents would visit the Amish, they would never miss a stop at the cheese shop. So when Sean and the kids saw the shop with me, they were able to experience something that my grandparents loved.
Heini’s is a special gift that I love to send during the holidays to my distant relatives. Do I know precisely the cheese that these relatives will like? Unfortunately, no. But I can generalize and add a variety of cheeses to their gift. It is a gift sent with love that we love, and it makes for a pretty good gift to others.
Another idea is to look on your Amazon account or other favorite store accounts at your order history over the last year. This provides a good inspiration of things you love that you would like to share with others.
Here are some suggestions of things that I like and give when money doesn’t constitute a gift. Let’s say that these are a few of my favorite things.
Gifts for Family
If you are not quite ready to stop buying for family members, you can suggest buying for their family rather than buying for each individual in their family. Family-to-family gifts are definitely acceptable.
The suggestions below may apply when buying for a family for any circumstance, whether it be family friends, your favorite campground pals, those at church, or in your neighborhood.
When gifting a family, I have found it is always better to give a subscription, pass somewhere, or use a theme. I highly recommend an Amazon Prime subscription or something like Hulu or Disney Plus, where the family will be able to stream movies. Also, movie theater passes for the entire family, and a gift card for popcorn has always been a hit, as well as annual memberships to local aquariums and zoos.
When you use a themed gift, come up with a fun theme and then buy items to recreate it. Again, movie night is easy. You can purchase the items needed from Amazon, like popcorn buckets, candy, and a DVD or two. During the holidays, this is easy because you can buy some Christmas classics. Throw in some popcorn and movie candy, and this becomes a great gift. An all-American theme is another favorite. You can buy the red and white checkered table cloth, along with a bag of hamburgers, hotdogs, Coca-cola, and top it with an apple pie and ice cream. Hot cocoa nights are great, as well as providing everything you need for an ice cream sundae party. Family gifts are fun, and there are so many ideas that are sure to please everyone.
For Those With Gift Registeries
I’m neutral on gift registries; I can take them or leave them. If I buy you something off the registry, it will be a boring gift for me but most likely one you will like. Since it is your choice, I am okay with it. However, I would prefer to buy an item from a cute little boutique or buy you something enjoyable. I did not have a wedding registry, although I did have a baby registry. It was nice having the baby registry because I got lots of necessities, but my favorite things that I remember the most were things not on the registry. The little disposable bags that held the diapers or the embroidered bag that my cousin made me with Jackson’s name on it were some of my favorites. I still have that bag, by the way.
On another note, I never realized that parents received gifts when babies were born. However, in the hospital, a friend brought a gift for me. I thought it was strange, but in that type of hormonal state, it was the absolute nicest thing and I have never forgotten it. So, I recommend buying a little gift for the mama or bringing a dozen doughnuts to the new parents. They will be so appreciative, and I have no problem giving after how much I appreciated mine.
For Spouses and Significant Others
For your spouse, this is where for Sean and me, the giving of experiences comes in. But Sean and I both love the gift of experiences, it is a good commonality that we share. So, find the commonalities with your spouse and give gifts around those. During our first year of marriage, Sean and I decided not to buy each other gifts. Instead, we mutually find experiences that we love. So these days, Valentines, Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries are turned into trips we take with the family before Thanksgiving, after Christmas, and on spring break. The whole family benefits.
Throughout the years, you won’t believe how many people I’ve heard of that have issues with either what to buy their spouse, what their spouse buys them, or how to make the cycle stop. Of course, I would love to tell them not to buy anything anymore, but their spouse usually has an issue with it.
Sean and I focus our gift-giving on our kids, parents, grandparents, and friends. We never worry about if one of us bought something costly for the other and the thought was not returned. If you do buy something for your spouse, have a spending limit. Have those boundaries, and you will be happier.
Also, when one of us DOES want something, it’s okay for us to get it. For example, I want Sean to have an Apple Watch that monitors his heart rate and has the ECG feature. Sean’s family history indicates that he is more prone to heart attacks as he gets older. So I told him I really would like him to have this. It’s not a gift but rather something that will improve both our lives, for him, healthwise, and for me, for peace of mind.
Another example is a few years ago when I was running a lot of 5Ks. I bought a pair of ASICS that were around $150. He didn’t walk out that day with a pair of $150 shoes because he didn’t need them, but it was something that we both agreed I needed for my feet. We get what we need, and then we save the gifts for trips.
The Gift Card Option
Last but not least is the gift card option. It is listed last because it is my least favorite, albeit sometimes necessary. Gift cards are great to send to people in the mail or when a group collects money to buy for an individual on a special occasion.
However, I believe they are somewhat impersonal as a personal holiday gift where you are going to exchange the gifts in person. Sometimes, people request gift cards, and the deal is sealed that way. However, if you are buying for someone specifically, try to be a little more personalized if possible. At a minimum, pair it with a little something, so that you just don’t give them plastic cash. At the least, try and pick out a nice card to accompany the card. There is just minimal sentiment found by giving a gift card, especially when exchanging gift cards with people.
A Few Don’ts of Gift Giving
These tips are not supposed to extinguish your love of buying gifts. Just be mindful of a few things…
When someone just really doesn’t like your gift, don’t worry or get upset about it, just give them the receipt. You’re going to have shockers like, “oh, I already have one of these,” OR “oh, that’s wonderful” with an expression on their face that says otherwise. It is also okay to include the gift receipt with the gift. You can tell them that if they don’t like the gift, they are welcome to exchange it. Not that YOU will exchange it, but that THEY can. The recipient can pretend to love the gift until they are ready to exchange it, which is okay. No one’s feelings are hurt, and you will never know any better.
There will be times that you don’t like your gift either. So use it as a learning opportunity on how you should give to others. I have had this happen to me many times.
In several instances, I have received a charitable donation in my name as a gift. Each time, it has been in a big group, and it becomes odd. I love giving to charity, and I definitely think it is great for others to do as well. I just don’t feel that this should be a gift. First, it is difficult when you politically or morally do not align with the charity. I believe charitable donations should be a personal thing. Second, it can make someone feel that they were not worth going and finding a gift for or that you conveniently provided them a tax break. This one is odd, and I don’t want to make people feel how I have felt before.
Second, don’t use your kids’ fundraisers at school as gifts. Remember, a gift should be about the sentiment, not a convenient way to sell more items. For example, I love fundraiser cookie dough as much as the next person, but I am not going to give it as a gift just so my kid gets a discount on their sport participation fee or to get them a new jump rope. Even if you don’t see it this way, it can very well be taken this way, and let’s face it, at this point, your kids’ personal gain has interfered with the actual buying of someone a gift.
Magazine subscriptions are another gift that I would stray away from, especially from your kids’ fundraiser extracurricular activities. Magazines are another item that is a personal preference. I have never been someone who looks at magazines. However, if you insist because the magazine IS the perfect gift for them, pair it with a little something else, even candy, just so that the person has something tangible at that moment.
Don’t forget to set your money spending boundaries and truly buy a gift that reflects the recipient with a little splash of you. I hope that these tips help you find the perfect gift you are looking for this holiday season. But, more than anything, give with joy. Happiness is often found in the pursuit… of the perfect gift!
Do you have an excellent strategy for buying gifts? We would love to hear from you. Please drop us a line in the comment section below!
Looking for specific holiday gift ideas? Check out Christmas, the Great Gift Card Swap? and Downsizing Christmas and Upsizing the Meaning.
Great suggestions! This was very helpful!
Thank you, V 🙂